A bully shoves a boy in a North Bend Middle School hallway.

A girl sits down to watch TV after a long day of school and sports. Her mother tells her to go to bed before the show is over.

A mom rejects her son’s request to go to a party.

Two sisters fight over space in the bedroom they share.

North Bend fifth-graders didn’t like the outcomes of any of these conflicts. So Friday afternoon, they got a do-over.

Several schools in the Coos County area have teamed up with Neighbor to Neighbor Mediation Services to teach conflict resolution to students.

“I’ve always felt that communication and conflict resolution is something that isn’t really taught in our society,” said Angela Philips, the youth conflict and violence prevention coordinator at Neighbor.

“It seems to me that it is as vital as reading, writing and arithmetic.”

The idea is to give young people the skills to resolve conflicts using words and feelings.

The first step in Philips’ program is for the children to identify how they feel and what they need before acting in a conflict. Then they must determine what outcome they desire.

But remember, the other person is doing the same thing.

The next step is to articulate the problem, explain how they feel, and talk it out. Usually, both sides must compromise.

Friday, the children at North Bend Middle School, armed with reasoning and communication skills, came prepared to act out conflicts they had experienced. The students were taught to:

• Find a neutral place.

• Take turns expressing what they are upset about and the outcome they desire, uninterrupted.

• Take turns asking questions about how the other person feels and what they want.

• Write down possible solutions.

• And come to an agreement.

With bullies, it’s important to try reach a peaceful solution, although this is not always possible, Philips said.

Several students came Friday armed with parent conflicts, such as an early bedtime.

“The parent conflicts are definitely legitimate,” Philips said.

“I know from experience, your kids can start stomping their feet and throwing a fit.

“If you can teach them to communicate without throwing a fit, everyone has a happier life.”

Grant funding

This is the first year Neighbor to Neighbor has offered the program in the middle school, teaching what Philips says is a critical subject for children.

The three-year program is funded through grants from the Ford Family Foundation, the Meyer Memorial Trust and the Sunrise Rotary Club.

Philips hopes eventually to have conflict resolution taught everywhere.

“I absolutely love doing it,” Philips said.

“It is a different way than (the students) are accustomed to thinking. I know they really enjoy it and every week they come back and have retained the information quite clearly.”

Reporter Jessie Higgins can be reached at 541-269-1222 ext. 240 or jhiggins@theworldlink.com.